I've never really been one for New Years resolutions. Living with mental illness, I've learned the importance of living in the moment; not dwelling on the past and taking each moment as it comes. The year 2017, however, has been a year of tremendous personal growth, change, and perseverance. One very helpful tool that I have used consistently throughout the year is reflecting on positive moments in the past, and searching for small excitements, things that I am looking forward to doing or being a part of, in the near future. So, with that being said, here are my top five memories from 2017:
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This originally appeared on TranQool's Blog. TranQool is based out of Ontario and provides high-quality video therapy that is accessible and cost-effective. Starting university or college is an exciting time. As you enter a new phase of your education, you get to learn new things that interest you, be more independent, and meet new people. While all of this is new and exciting, the transition to university can also be overwhelming and confusing. The new campus can be difficult to navigate, you may not know anyone when you start, and you may be far from the comforts of home and your loved ones. Even though starting school is new and exciting, it can also be quite anxiety-provoking and you might find yourself saying, “what did I get myself into?”
As the summer is winding down and the 2017 school year is just around the corner, I can’t help but think back to last year at this time, a time of uncertainty, doubt, and fear. I had spent the majority of the summer of 2016 in Halifax, Nova Scotia, as an inpatient at the Garron Centre for Child and Adolescent Mental Health at the IWK Children’s Hospital. There, I was fighting a severe episode of OCD, which had brought absolute terror to everyday tasks. I was walking on eggshells every single day, consumed by a constant fear that anything I said, wore, did, touched, didn’t touch, or ate would subsequently cause me, or my loved ones, harm. One of the biggest things that pushed me to work as hard as I could to get better during my hospitalization was the fact that I was enrolled in university in the fall, and I was desperate not to let mental illness, OCD, or being in the hospital take away from my education.
One mid-February afternoon, I was scrolling through my Facebook page when I saw a video posted to a selective mutism support group, featuring a young girl with a lilac shirt and beautiful blonde hair, pulled back into pigtails. She was standing at the front of her class, staring at the wooden table in front of her. I remember being immediately taken back, as it is extremely uncommon to see someone with selective mutism in that situation. I decided to read the video description, and what I read blew me away!
Its been about a month now since I’ve learned that I am the recipient of The Sharon Johnston Champion of Mental Health Award for Youth and two days since its been announced publicly, and I feel like it’s finally starting to sink in.
The year of 2016 was supposed to be about new beginnings, and I would be lying to you if I said that it wasn’t. I guess, for me, these new beginnings came in a different form than what I was expecting. In the months leading up to 2016, I was living a fairytale life, a life that I had always dreamed of ever since I developed selective mutism 4 years prior. In the fall of 2015, I was a brand new grade 12 student at a private boarding school, where I lived day to day life and went to school away from my family and the comfort of my own home. During the months leading up to Christmas, I beat the odds and started to be able to talk in school, participate on the varsity field hockey team, and even did a speech in front of my entire school about my journey with selective mutism. I was doing all these great things and accomplishing my dreams so quickly, and those few months were, without a doubt, the happiest times of my life. But, unfortunately, I didn’t realize at the time that I was going way too fast, and by Christmas break, I crashed.
OCD, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, is a mental illness that comes with a lot of misconceptions. Many people think of excessive tidiness, and perfectionist traits when throwing around the term OCD. I have to admit, I too fell into this mindset, and it wasn’t until a recent diagnosis of OCD that I realized just how much terror and fear accompanies the illness and how much of an impact it can have on someone’s life.
There are many things about selective mutism that I wish were more commonly understood. Though some things can be researched online, the amount of writing and information on selective mutism is minimal, and unless you have gone through it yourself, it can understandably be very difficult to make sense of. With that being said, it can be easy to make tiny mistakes, with good intentions, around someone with selective mutism. Here is a list of the top 5 common mistakes, through my own experiences, that people make when interacting with someone who has selective mutism. Hopefully this list will help both the person with selective mutism and the person interacting with them a little more comfortable.
On the days leading up to my hospitalization, I was sinking deeper and deeper into a major depression. Living in residence at my school, I spent the majority of my time curled up in a ball on my bed, isolating myself from everything and everyone around me. I didn't want people to see this part of me because I knew that I was not the person that I wanted people to know and it scared me to think that I would lose everyone that I had built trust and relationships with because they would see this part of me. My mom knew that something wasn't right,and came down and stayed at a friend's house close to my school while I continued to attend school. Despite how horrible I felt, I continued to attend class because I didn't want to let anyone down, I didn't want people to see how bad things had really gotten.
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CategoriesAll About MeMy name is Lauren and I am 20 years old. I have an anxiety disorder called selective mutism that limits my ability to speak outside of my home. I believe that this disorder has touched me for a reason, and my life mission is to bring much needed awareness to this heartbreaking disorder. Welcome to my journey. Archives
January 2018
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