One mid-February afternoon, I was scrolling through my Facebook page when I saw a video posted to a selective mutism support group, featuring a young girl with a lilac shirt and beautiful blonde hair, pulled back into pigtails. She was standing at the front of her class, staring at the wooden table in front of her. I remember being immediately taken back, as it is extremely uncommon to see someone with selective mutism in that situation. I decided to read the video description, and what I read blew me away! The video description explained that this girl’s name is Lydia, and that despite having selective mutism, she insisted on being involved in her school’s invention fair. At the age of nine, Lydia’s invention was to create communication cards that could be attached to her clothing with a retractable name badge, so that people would know her needs and wants when she couldn't express herself verbally. At this young age, Lydia had already come face to face with selective mutism’s merciless grip, and was facing it head on. After reading this,I knew that I had to watch the video!
What I saw next was not a miraculous video of Lydia suddenly being able to speak in front of her classmates. Instead, I saw a brave and courageous girl, struggling and standing in silence. You could clearly see the intense anxiety that she was feeling throughout her body, but Lydia decided not to run away from this fear, and was determined to present her invention to the class, just like any other student. A teacher came over to her and explained her invention to the class and helped her hold on to her cards. Her body was so stiff that she couldn't even pick them up! She then took her cards and courageously walked over to the judges and showed them her invention up close, which was followed by a supportive and respectful round of applause from her classmates. To say I was blown away would be an understatement! One of the many messages I live by is that “ I can't change the way people treated me, but what I can change is the way others are treated.” After watching this video, I thought back to what would of helped me if I was in a similar situation to Lydia, and the only thing that came to mind was that I would have wanted a friend, someone who understood what I was going through and that I could relate to. So, after contacting Lydia’s mom and messaging back and forth, we decided that I was going to do just that! For a couple months, Lydia and I would send videos back and forth to each other. At first it was difficult to find a time that worked for both of us, as she lives in Wisconsin, USA and I live in New Brunswick, Canada, but we soon made things work. I would show her the mountains of Canadian snow outside and my foster greyhounds, while she would show me her animals, her favorite dance moves, and her toys. The Lydia that was speaking to me on these videos was not the Lydia that I had seen on that video of her presenting to her class. In fact, If I were to put the videos side by side, I don't think I would have even realized that it was the same girl. This Lydia was sweet, silly, and just like any other 3rd grader, but because of selective mutism, many people never get to see that side of her. After we got comfortable sending videos to each other, we decided to start skyping. We could now talk face-to face, which was extremely exciting! We also started playing an online game called Animal Jam together, where we were each an animal and we were able to chat to each other and play games. This was a super fun and relaxed way to build our long distance friendship. Throughout all of this, I got messages from Lydia’s mom, telling me that Lydia, who had not said a word in school yet, had been in therapy for five years and just started Zoloft (or “brave medicine”, as she likes to call it), was doing incredible things at school. Her mom started to receive emails from Lydia’s teachers stating that she has been having excellent days, that she was doing better academically, and that she was starting to make friends at school. Three months after I reached out to Lydia’s family, she said her first words at school! By no means is Lydia out of the woods yet. She still has a long road ahead of her, but she is improving so much! I didn't offer her family some incredible treatment option that they had never heard of, I simply offered to be a friend. It's crazy to think that sometimes, one of the only things someone needs in order to start making progress is to feel understood and have a sense of connection. Something as simple as connecting with and supporting someone who needs a friend can drastically change that person's life. I wish that people with selective mutism could feel more connected and supported, but the reality is that, due to a lack of understanding towards SM, many people find it difficult to communicate with us. My friendship with Lydia symbolizes hope and shows just how much having a friend can impact someone’s life. Please, if you know of someone who could use a friend, reach out to them! You never know how much one small act of kindness could impact someone's life. Thank-you Shari and Lydia for allowing me to share our story on my blog and for providing the above image!
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CategoriesAll About MeMy name is Lauren and I am 20 years old. I have an anxiety disorder called selective mutism that limits my ability to speak outside of my home. I believe that this disorder has touched me for a reason, and my life mission is to bring much needed awareness to this heartbreaking disorder. Welcome to my journey. Archives
January 2018
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